Finding Olivia's Heart
by Aliecia
Summary: Olivia Benson was a loving person until one night everything changes and her heart is turned to stone. He was cold unfeeling except with his children but one night three little words melts the heart of stone and breaks the barriers. Rated M for languag
1. Cold

**_AN: This story is sad, bitter sweet. I hope you enjoy it please let me know what you think! It just pop into my head and I started type. I don't know where it is going bear with me... So here we go  
_**

**COLD**

It was hard! Olivia thought as she looked at the picture on her bedside table. He was smiling at her, and she was crying crying harder than she thought could.

She was finally broken in so many pieces she knew there was no repairing her heart. She wanted to believe that it was all a lie and that he didn't tell her that he was moving away so that his marriage could work. Her head fell back as she remembered their conversation.

_"What do you mean you are moving?"_

_"I mean I'm leaving, Liv I love my wife and I can't stand what my job our friendship is doing to her." Elliot was struggling, he wanted to have his wife and his best friend but at the end of the day he knew which one was more important to him. His children were._

_It hurt so deep to hear him say so, but she still she listened tried to keep the tears at bay as he continued to break her heart. "I know I should have told you sooner that I was leaving but I couldn't then we had that case and we were busy tearing each other apart" Elliot confided softly. _

_The tears stung at her eyes and she wanted to melt and she tried her best to keep it to gether but she felt it she was falling apart. "Elliot you can't go" Olivia pleaded with such vulnerability he couldn't believe this was his partner the same woman who thrown grown men against her car and lock them away._

_"Why can't I leave Liv, nothing is here for me" Elliot said trying to understand why she just couldn't let him go. "What kind of friend are you, if you want me to stay in this place and suffer, you know that I would be lost with my wife and my kids. Why Liv why can't I go?" he shouted, he didn't know why but seeing her so vulnerable made him anger. It reminded him of that day when Gitano had cut her neck, he hated the fact he couldn't have stopped it. And that feeling it was there agian the one he couldn't explain the one that he didn't want to know what it meant._

_"Elliot how could?" Olivia face lost all vulnerablity as anger took it's place._

_"Who could I want? You are the one who I thought was my best-friend who is being selfish. Just tell me Liv why shouldn't I leave? Because you don't want to find a new partner, Answer me damn it!"_

_Olivia felt cornered scared and hurt as she looked into fiece blue eyes. Because-" she couldn't go on she couldn't lie_

_"'Cause what?" Elliot asked waiting for her excuse and that look the one she had in her eyes when Gitano held a gun to his and she was whispering words he couldn't hear or undertand_

_"Because I love, and I have loved for as long as I can remember and I don't want you to go" Olivia said and a sob escaped and so did the tears._

_Elliot stood frozen looking at her like she was an alien he backed away from her as if she were contagious, and said words that broke her. "Why, why are you so jealous, couldn't you be happy that Kathy and are working things out, You are exactly what you're mother says you are a failure, what type of woman falls in love with a married man?" the words that flowed from his mouth he couldn't understand, nor could he the fire the was buring in his viens, but the thing that he couldn't understand the most was the need the urgent need to get away!_

Olivia threw the things off her dresser in an angry rage and torn the picture in two. She ran from the house it was closing in on her and she found herself at Casey house.

Casey heard the loud pounding on the door and opened it and there stood Olivia with tears in her eyes looking like she just lost her heart.

And she did!

_**I hope it wasn't too sad. Please leave a review to let me know what you think.**_

_**-Ali  
**_


	2. Changes

_**I want to say thank you for the reviews. I hope this chapter is much better and I do hope you enjoy it.**_

**Changes**

Olivia looked up at Casey, she backed away. What would she say? "Liv are you okay?" Casey asked.

"I'm fine! I was just jogging. I got to go" Olivia answered and made a u turn and ran back to her apartment. Inside she scowled herself for being weak. "I will never be weak; no one will ever hurt me again!"She said softly with conviction. She felt the tears burn, but she would not let them fall. That was over the Olivia who cried when she lost a case, the one who let her emotions rule her was dead!

She reached for the torn picture that at her feet and picked it up and began to write.

_**1). Emotions are for fool. I will never allow it to rule me.**_

_**2). Friendship doesn't last. I will isolate myself.**_

_**3). No tears. Tears are a sign of weakness I won't cry, never again.**_

_**4). Love it is useless. I will never love again.**_

Olivia taped it on the wall, and nodded, this was the way it was going to be, I am going to change no one will ever hurt me! That was her only thought. Her closet every thing in it she emptied she wanted no reminder of him of who she was. Each picture that was hung in her sitting room of him she took down all the present he had bought for her birthday and Christmas she boxed them up and mailed them to the Children's home. The phone was ringing. She let it ring she wanted no interruptions today was her day. She was changing. "_Liv, it's Case. I'm worried you didn't look like yourself earlier. When you get this message please call me"_ and it stopped.

Her transformation was complete, her house held nothing no reminder everything was gone except the half of picture that was taped on her wall.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

The plane landed Elliot was confused. Why did I say those things to Liv? He wondered as he placed the bags and suitcase into the trunk of the cab. "Honey is every thing alright?" Kathy asked. He shook his and walked to get the rest of the bags.

He looked at his wife and dismissed the thought he was he to start over with the woman he loved. 'Then why are you thinking about the tears that were running down Olivia's face?' his conscience asked. "I don't know" Elliot whispered more to himself; lately there was great deal he didn't know.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Kathy asked coming to stand in front of him with a smile on her face. Her hand was running through his hair and he forced a smile. It was crazy the way he felt. "Elliot is there something wrong, you have been silent ever since you got back from visiting your partner" she dropped her hands and stared at him.

"Nothing, it's just that I miss my friends" he said and it was true he missed Cragen, Casey, Fin, Munch and Olivia he missed them. Kathy smiled up at him again, as though she understood, it was comforting to have her look at him with compassion and understanding and he gave her a peck on the cheek. "But I'm glad I am here, with you and the kids." Kathy blossomed and she gave him another of those smiles and hand in hand they walked to the taxi.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Olivia sat at her desk reading the case file when Cragen walked up. "Morning Olivia," Cragen didn't know what to say, she looked different and her behavior was different. The hair that was normally hanging loose around her face was now wrapped in a tight coil at the nape of her neck she was wearing full black like she was mourning. "Yes Captain" she answered lowering the case file that was covering her face.

"We need to find you a partner I just thought you would want a have a say in who you work with" Cragen said noticing her face there was no smile it was like she wasn't Olivia. "Liv is everything alright?" he couldn't help himself he had to ask.

"Yes everything is fine. I don't care who they send once it's someone who know the ropes I'll be fine with it" she said in a tone which dismissed Cragen, slowly he walked away from her desk and into his office.

_**So how was it did you enjoy? Please drop me a line. So I can know what you think.**_

_**Ali **_


	3. We tried, we failed

Elliot laid perplexed in the empty bed, he looked around the equally empty apartment, the only memory he had was the picture of his wife and kids and a picture of his ex-partner and lately he found him self speaking to the paper hoping it would give him advice to his still failing marriage, he sighed and picked up the picture of his eldest daughter Maureen.

_He had been home for five months, he helped out with the children yet they were constantly on edge, they were like strangers living in a small space, at times he felt like he was suffocating and by the way she looked at him he knew her feeling was mutual. It wasn't like he imagined, he thought it would be alright now, he still loved her, she still loved him so what was the problem? He wondered as he ate his breakfast with the family before going to work; the place he hated! He'd given up being a detective to become a security at shipping company where nothing happened and if anything happened he had to stand aside with the 'police' did there work, but it was a small sacrifice for having his family together under one roof. He leaned over to give Kathy a peck on her cheek and she moved and gave him a smile, this was the third time she had done that and it was starting to irritate the hell out of him, he cleaned his throat then excused himself from the table, picked up his baton and bid them all good bye._

_At work as usual nothing happened and he felt like talking to Olivia she was the only one who was always there with a ready smile for him, the only one who would hug him for just because. He shook his head as her smiling face turned into a broken one. He looked at the phone then before he could change his mind he dialed the number of the precinct. "Special Victims Unit, Detective Benson how may I help you?" her voice was crisp, it held no warmth, it wasn't the voice of the woman who had cried when she lost a case. "Hello, is anyone there?" she asked the warmth and compassion he was used to flooded her voice. It was heaven to hear her voice. _

"_Liv," he whispered his voice tight with emotion. He closed his eyes and he saw her eyes light up and a wide smile spread across her face. Elliot waited for her reaction but he didn't get one._

"_Hello you have to speak clearer, I can't hear you, what's your name?" she asked. Elliot felt his feet wobble and eyes sprung to his eyes. 'What are you going to say to her, 'oh Liv I'm so sorry for all the mean things I said to you I was just scared?' his inner self asked, slowly like it was killing him he hung up, and wiped away the tear. _

_Elliot pulled the front door and walked in to see Maureen setting the dinner table. "Good evening dad" she said her voice unusually happy. Kathy was busy in the kitchen and the twin were placing with their youngest sibling . It seemed like home but something was missing!_

_Dinner was over and done with yet they sat at the table when Maureen clicked her glass. "Everyone I have some good news, I have been accepted ULCA" she beamed. Everyone clapped except Elliot who was still taking in the news. "Dad is something wrong?" Elliot didn't respond, he just excused himself from the table, it seemed to be routine since lately._

_Kathy found him throwing stones into the pond. "Elliot what's the matter?" she asked coming to stand in his way._

"_I don't know, just give me some time" he said and moved throwing more stones into the water._

"_No Elliot we need to talk, what's going on with you?" she asked holding his hands, the heat that used to radiate through them no longer did she just felt cold and he removed his hands from her grasp._

"_Kathy not now, I want to be alone, I need to sort out myself." He said backing away and into the hammock, she followed him there and sat on the chair. _

"_Elliot why is it you find it so hard to talk with me?" she demanded._

"_Kathy I am just not ready!" he retorted._

"_Then when will you be? Before we came here all you did was leave work home, now you are home with us yet you aren't apart of us, the children know that we aren't happy and they are feeding off the negative energy, Kathleen stays out late with friends, Maureen is moving away because she can't stand it. Elizabeth and Richard want to spend the summer with their grandmother they are packing now to leave day after tomorrow. Elliot I won't let you destroy my family again, I can't stand it." Kathy said and slipped the ring off her finger and placed it in his hand. Your bags are packed there is a key on the dresser, we are going out for the weekend, when I return I hope you will have settled into the apartment." Kathy said and turned to leave. _

"_Wait! What is going on, what are you saying?" Elliot asked trying to wrap his mind around the information he just received. _

"_Elliot am saying we tried this time and we failed, it's best we leave while we can speak to each other" Elliot looked at her as she walked back into the house._

"_But I love you" he said his last hope, she stopped turned around and smiled at him._

"_Elliot you don't love me, you are only in love with my image, but I am some-one you don't love me." And with that she walked back into the house._

As Elliot looked at the picture though he felt hurt if he was honest it was more his pride that was wounded than his heart, and it un-nerved him maybe she was right. His eyes wondered to Olivia's photo and he felt his heart contract forcefully. 'I did you so wrong' he whispered to the picture…

_**AN: I hope you enjoyed that. Please let me know what you think. I hope it wasn't too short. **_

_**-Ali**_


	4. Strange Feelings

There was something different tonight Olivia sensed as she walked out into the night. For some reason there was an unsettling feeling in her stomach one that could be described as fear; she quickly placed the thought to rest as she opened the door to her apartment. She shrugged off the coat she wore and placed it on the coat rack by the door and kicked off her boots. Olivia stretched and walked to the kitchen for a glass of water and gulped it down, her usual routine. Yes now she had a routine to guide her through the days and the too long night. She smiled for no reason and her head began spin in a fashion that made her giggle. Olivia fought the giggles tried to keep a straight face, she tried to think but nothing she was losing ground she was spinning. She closed her eyes trying to stop the dizziness that engulfed her but nothing she was falling into darkness and was laughing like hell…

Elizabeth Stabler was delighted to visit her grandmother for the Easter holiday, but smiled even wider knowing that her parents trusted her enough to let her fly alone. But it was a great feeling to have such an independence to be free from her other half and the battle field for a house. "Grandma!" she shouted as she saw her grandmother standing with her name. "Grandma!" she shouted again and ran towards her. Elizabeth ran to her hugged her fiercely, but something was odd. Grandma didn't have muscles!

Cragen was tired as hell the case had done him in and the only thing he wanted was to go to bed. A child bumped into him, and handed him an envelope. Cragen opened it and all he found was a website. "Cap'n what's that?" Fin asked as he walked off the elevator.

"Don't know some kid gave it to me" Cragen said and handed the envelope to him.

"What's this for?" Fin asked puzzled and gave it back to his boss.

"Don't know I'll check it out tomorrow" Cragen said as they walked to the parking lot.

"Okay, in the morning Cap'n" Fin shouted as he opened his car and got in.

Her head felt heavy as opened her eyes to a very dark room. She groaned helplessly and brought her hands to her face only to discover they were bounded. Panic a feeling that was long forgotten roared to life in her as she struggled against the chairs…

_**I know it was short but I will update as soon as I can**_

_**-Ali**_


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